This is part 4 of my 'Led By Heart' series for the 31-day writing challenge. You can find the list of all my 31 posts here. Click here to check out the other participating blogs!
But what will people think?
I don’t often talk about my believes with other people, not even my close friends. Practically no one knows that I believe in God, that some time ago I decided to walk through this life with Jesus as a companion and friend. It’s all a bit tricky, though, because I wouldn’t call myself a traditional Christian. It’s because I also recognize Buddha and his teachings. I believe we were not given just this one life to live, but tens of thousands of them. To me, that is God’s incredible grace, that if we screw up in this lifetime (which we're pretty much bound to), we’ll get a new chance and then another one... until we get it right and finally learn what truly matters and start to obey the Divine laws and remember who we really are. And what we are is a manifestation of His love, His wisdom, and His playful creativity. We are His beloved children, we carry His essence inside of us and we are never ever separated from Him - we might think we are, we might wish we were, but that doesn’t change anything at all.
I also believe that I am really not who I appear to be - I am not a young woman with such and such education, I am not a former teacher, waitress, girlfriend, daughter, sister, a Londoner. I am a Spirit. I must smile as I’m writing this... That’s right, I said it! I am an eternal Spirit. We all are.
And on top of that, I also believe that animals have souls, too. No one, who’s ever spent some time with animals or had a beloved pet, can have any doubts about that. No matter what the church says, what the different religions say... We humans are not the only ‘soulful’ beings on this planet. And we should be glad that it is so.
What actually prompted me to write all this was my fear. As I became aware that some of my friends will read my blog, I thought: But what will they think? And now I’m sitting here thinking... yeah, what will they think? I just don’t know. It could be anything. Their reaction could be mean, amused, pitiful, resentful, indifferent, or kind, or anything else. Maybe they just won’t care, maybe it won’t change anything. But the point is - why should it matter to me?
Most people are terribly concerned with what other people think of them. And most people also like to claim that they don’t care at all, but deep down they do - and very much so. It’s just “cool” nowadays to say: I don’t care what people think. It’s almost to be expected. It’s part of the roles we play. But we still want to be loved and approved of. We are scared of rejection, of being laughed at. I think that the fact we’re seeking validation in the outside world is one of the main causes of emotional pain. Because the opinions of others change all the time. And if we depend on them, then our emotions are up for a roller-coaster ride. And what if there was no one in our lives who would approve of us? Oh well... No, we can’t get lost in all this. We must be the ones, always, under all circumstances, who likes us, who approves of us, who supports us, who’s there for us.
It’s okay to hope that people will like me, that they will understand me, accept me with all my believes, with my faith, but if they don’t? Then I can’t let that make me doubt myself, try to change or to comply with their expectations. I can’t let that make me like myself less.
So, as a means of conquering the fear of other people’s opinions, I am writing this post. Because I don’t want to limit myself and my writing any longer. I want to speak from my heart, be honest and authentic. And most of all, I don’t want to be worried, I don’t want to pause in the middle of a sentence, lift my fingers off the keyboard and reconsider my words thinking What will they think? Is this okay? I want to be above all that. And as I think of it now, most of the time our fear is based on our projections, on something unreal, inexistent. It appears as a sign that a shift in our expectations is required.
How about expecting that as long as I'm following my heart everything will turn out for everyone’s highest good?
How about pressing forward knowing that it’s all in good hands (in the best hands, actually)?
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