This is part 3 of my 'Led By Heart' series for the 31-day writing challenge. You can find the list of all my 31 posts here. Click here to check out the other participating blogs!
Through which eyes am I looking at the world?
The eyes of my ego, my inner judge, sometimes a tyrant, sometimes a wanna-be saint? The one that is always afraid, always assessing what's good and what's bad and never seeing the truth of it, making my life a roller-coaster ride?
To me, the truth is that if I don't love what I see, I don't really see it. I am not able to perceive the essence of it. Which is that it is a part of the Creation and therefore a part of me as much I am a part of it. We may appear to be divided, different to the bleary eyes of my inner critic, but in the eyes of the soul, we are One.
I am not above anyone, nor am I beneath anyone. I am on the same level - if indeed there is such a thing - with everyone and everything. But that is something the ego can never really acknowledge. In its eyes, I only see myself either as a winner, the one in control, the one that's better, smarter or more successful than others, or the loser, the big failure who will never be good enough. Up and down. Down and up. And so rarely in the centre. Oh how I wish I could exist in that centre of my being, of my life a little bit longer, a little bit more often. The peace, freedom and satisfaction of it...
Whatever I do, wherever I go, I look around me and perceive the world either as a friendly or an intimidating place, the people as kind or untrustworthy, the weather as lovely or horrible, my life as good or senseless, the way I look as pretty or plain, this day as great or wish-it-was-over. And all that can change back and forth in a minute. It's all a matter of whose eyes are watching. And I cannot rely on other people's judgment either. An apple doesn't taste the same to everyone, and I'll never know how it tastes to someone else. What good is there to feel pleased with my work if twenty people love my article and only three don't. What if it was the other way round? Would it really make my writing less worthy? It would be very wrong to let the opinions of others determine how I feel about what I do. Have I done my best, stretched myself, put my heart into it? If yes, that's all I need to know. And if not, well, maybe it just doesn't matter that much to me anyway.
I want to look at the world and people and see them as they are and not as what a part of me thinks they should be. I want to see with my heart's eyes. And I have a feeling that my heart is fearless and knows no judgment. I want to look at my life and see the possibilities, see that everything - and I really mean every thing - is good, because no matter what happens, something good will come out of it, if only the lessons learnt. I might be living in a big, strange city in a country I wasn't born in. I might be jobless and without friends and family. I might be broke... But all of that is just one possible interpretation, nothing more. I also might be living in a beautiful place, with the man I love, learning to stand still and breathe and realize that I am standing on my path, look down at my feet, then look a little bit further in front of me and see that the path goes on, even if I can now only see just half a meter ahead, and take a step in that direction. And that could really mean absolutely anything - sitting down and writing a to-do list, taking a shower, going for a walk, meditating. In fact, it just means making one, tiny decision and then acting upon it. And after that another one. And then another. Keep walking, one step at a time, taking it easy, having my heart as a navigator.
The way I view my life is a matter of choice. If I don't love what I see, if I feel miserable for it, it's my choice. I've once again looked through the bleary eyes, not the clear, bright, loving ones. In the past moment I forgot to listen to my heart, to choose my soul - my true Self. But I know it now. I can choose again. And it has to be decisive and intentional, it has to become my statement:
I choose Love. I choose to observe the whole of existence with my heart's eyes.
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