Led By Heart: when your heart's broken

This is part 12 of my 'Led By Heart' series for the 31-day writing challenge. You can find the list of all my 31 posts here. Click here to check out the other participating blogs!

It's been quite a long time since I was going through a heartbreak. Yet for some reason my heart has told me today to write about just that. And perhaps there is still something, a shadow, lying on my soul; a memory, a few tears I still haven't cried. And I think we all have them, hidden away...

When your heart has been broken. The relationship, the person that you wanted, loved, slips away from your life and it almost seems too easy for it to happen. It really doesn't take much. Sometimes it's just an ordinary goodbye that you know is the last. Sometimes it's just one sentence. The look in their eyes. Whoever first said that 'the saddest thing in the world is that two people who were once very close can without blame or grand betrayal become strangers'; I think they were right.

It's just so strange. You used to love me and now you're a stranger who happens to know all of my secrets. - Clementine von Radics

And you wish you'd lose these feelings as fast as they lost them.
And you promise yourself you won't think about them and then you break that promise again and again. Keeping yourself busy all the time, yet in those moments between things it flashes back into your mind. Missing them and thinking about them, knowing they aren't thinking about you, and worse, that they don't care.

And you may be asking yourself.
Why do I keep trying to find love?
Why do I keep holding out hope?
Don't I know better? You can't control people and their feelings. You can't trust them. It's not safe to be vulnerable. And loving makes you just that.

And yes, it's true that how long they choose to love you will never be your decision. Or whether they'll love you at all. You can't control that. But honestly, if you could, what would be the point? Where would all the beauty of it be? The unpredictable joy and mystery of love, of life. It just gives both, the greatest pain and the greatest happiness.

If you're going through a heartbreak right now, I want you to know this:

No matter what you think or feel. It wasn't a mistake that you loved them. Keep on loving, keep on falling in love, keep on opening your heart to others. But never forget to love yourself first.

I believe that very often we create our own heartbreaks through haughty expectations and a lack of self-love and self-worth. We also have to keep in mind is that we meet the exact people we need to meet in order to learn out lessons, in order to realize something about ourselves, to shake us awake, to tear apart and soften our ego, to point us to the unresolved, repressed, unhealed areas within us that are crying for our attention.

How long you'll take to learn this lesson is entirely up to you. Sometimes it takes just one heartbreak. Sometimes many.

And you may be thinking...

#1 ...it's keeping on hoping that hurts.
It's not. We cannot exist without hope. Cherish your hope and keep you heart (and mind) open. But what you do need to let go of are some false believes and unhealthy expectations - more on that later.

#2 ...I'm always the one who loves more.
Your love for others can never be bigger than your love for yourself. So if you think you love someone more than you love yourself, the ugly truth is that you need them, you need their love. There's a void in your chest that needs to be filled, but that's too big a task for any human and they felt it (any maybe that's why they left). Only you, your own love (with the help of God, if you believe in Him), can do it.
Or it could just be the quality of the people you choose. Ask yourself why you choose them. Do you choose broken people? Are you trying to fix anybody? Do you know that you can't change anyone, because people can only change themselves when they decide to? Do you know that you're actually supposed to love them as they are right now, in all their complexity, with everything they have, do, and are? If you need an actual reason to love someone, it's not love.

#3 ...I expect too much.
It could be true. They're only humans. Maybe they had been damaged. Being in love could be terrifying when you've already been hurt many times. We all have flaws and make mistakes - are you okay with that? Are you okay with your own mistakes?
But you should, on the other hand, become aware of what you ought to expect. Of what you deserve. You deserve honesty, transparency, loyalty, Love, protection, kindness, open arms. You deserve to be pursued and cherished and treated excellently. It's okay to want to be the only One in their eyes. They should think that - at least to them - you are perfect. Never settle for less.

#4 ...good men/women don't exist. All good men/women are already taken. 
This is just wrong and we both know it. If you've only been meeting the wrong guys/girls so far, it's time to start hanging out in different places and possibly also with different people. And it's time for some "mind cleansing"! 
You can try this: sit down with a pen and a piece of paper and on top of it write: What I think about men (or also What I think about romantic relationships). And then just write everything that comes to your head, do not censure yourself, do not stop to reread what you've written and do not judge it, keep going no matter how long it takes, until you reach the point when you don't have anything more to write. Suddenly, your mind will be blank. Empty. Perfect! Now you've created some space in your head for the TRUTH to get in. 
Have you ever wondered why you can't hear what your heart/intuition/God is saying? Yes, it's because your head is full of whatever your mind is currently producing and there's just no room for the Light to get in. Now that you've made that space, you will find out that some new  - much more loving, accepting and truthful - ideas and thoughts are coming in. 


In the end, I would like to tell you... Embrace everything. 

This is your life. Think of all the ups and downs you've had, all the triumphs and sorrows. All the lessons and how they've changed you, molded you into who you are. This is it. And it's a lot like a sine curve. Like waves on the ocean. You are going to be alright eventually. Cry as hard and as long as you need. Forgive them. Forgive yourself. Learn. Love again.

Don't let the heart that didn't love you keep you from the one that will.