Led By Heart: how to forgive

This is part 17 of my 'Led By Heart' series for the 31-day writing challenge. You can find the list of all my 31 posts here. Click here to check out the other participating blogs!

Throughout my life I've read and heard many reasons why forgiveness is necessary. Why we need to forgive. The one which resonated with me for quite some time was that by forgiving we're doing ourselves a favour; we're letting go of something that's been weighing us down, causing us distress and pain, while the person behind all that doesn't know about our feelings and maybe doesn't even care. I liked the idea that I was supposed to do it for me, to have a peace of mind, while it remained clear that what that person did was wrong.

But over time I began to see things differently. Now, I think that forgiveness is not as much of a favour, as it is a service. And we know that service is always beneficial for both sides; and it's only right that it is so. To me, forgiveness isn't complete if we still view the other person as bad, as a wrongdoer, a culprit. And we can't forgive fully if we do it just for ourselves. As always, there's a bigger scheme, which we're part of, but we can't perceive it in its entire complexity.

When it comes to forgiving, there are at least two things we should keep in mind:

Everything happens for a reason.

We are all much more connected than we think.

So, why a service? Because I need forgiveness as much as you do. We all need to be forgiven.

And yes, if you are a believer, it it true that God forgives us everything, and He sees us as perfect, holy and most beloved. But that's not where it ends! Because now it's our turn. We are asked to forgive each other.

I like to think that people who do 'wrong', even those who commit evil things, are living in a dream, yet, to them it's very real. For some of them it resembles a nightmare, a living hell from which they cannot escape. Others think they thrive - or at least they want to - in their false reality. None of them knows who they really are. They identify themselves with untruthful idols, rules and all kinds of illusions. They have been deceived and live in a world of retribution, punishment, offense, hardship. And so, their deeds and actions reflect their desperation. Wouldn't you be desperate too if you were in their place?

Perhaps that's easy to say. Maybe something horrible has happened to you, something that seems unforgivable. But believe me, your suffering is theirs. And it could be tremendously hard, it could take a very long time, but I pray that one day you'll be able to see that forgiveness is the only answer.

Here's a couple of tips that could help you:

get it all out
If you still have repressed, hidden anger, reproaches and tears within you, you have to release it all before you'll be able to move on and be free.
One of my spiritual teachers taught me this little ritual that you could try: go somewhere where you will be alone and uninterrupted, grab two chairs, place them opposite one another, sit down. If you want, you can light a candle and place it between you and the empty chair. Try to imagine that the person you want to forgive is sitting there (and they are, in spirit). Now, if there's anything you need to tell them, do it. You can yell at them, berate them, cry, pour your heart out. Talk until there's nothing more to say.

return to your heart
Once the greyness is gone, you'll be able to see things in a new light. As always, talk to your heart, not your mind, about what you should do next or what it is that you haven't seen till now with regards to what happened. Your answers are there. Ask for a renewed perception. Or ask my favourite question of all time: What would Love do?

know
Know who you are (who we are, really). Know that whatever happened, it is over, and you are beyond that. Your life is now. Rely on your heart and believe it when it tells you that you have forgiven. Know that it is so.



How have you dealt with (un)forgiveness in your life?