Led By Heart: on forming genuine friendships

This is part 7 of my 'Led By Heart' series for the 31-day writing challenge. You can find the list of all my 31 posts here. Click here to check out the other participating blogs!

This is huge. I can feel the rise of ideas and emotions in me as I'm about the start this post. The longing for a true friend. Who hasn't experienced that?

Intimacy, understanding, complete trust, sharing laughs and tears, having each other's back, honesty, togetherness. Love.

Why is it so hard to share all that with someone, with others?

It seems to me that we have become too careful and in a way distrustful. And far too casual. These days, everyone likes to act casually, like nothing is really that important, nothing is a big deal, and we should just chill and take it easy. By no means should we appear too eager, approachable, open. It's inadvisable to wear your heart on your sleeve. No, one should keep it nicely protected, after all, it does hurt the most when the pain comes from the heart. And those things happen all the time...

In my life, I've had to overcome a lot of prejudices about friendships and making friends. The biggest one is that when you're past certain age, you should have made all the good friends by now as it is unlikely that you'll form new, long-lasting friendships from this point on. Basically, that everyone is already 'taken', everybody has a best friend now, a fixed group of closest friends and there simply isn't any room for someone new. And yes, it does seem that way sometimes. When I think of my friends, I can see that they have their own 'groups' which I'm not part of, and their own 'best' friends. But I also know there are people of all ages feeling alone, looking to make friends.

Whenever I met someone I wanted to get to know better and become friends with, there was a certain barrier that I had to overcome - in me as well as in them. It felt like I had to step out, take a risk. And to my sorrow I didn't always have the courage to do that. But why does it have to feel so hard? What is it that makes us stop and hesitate when in fact we really want that? The delicacy of letting someone in...

It seems like an epidemic in the western society (especially, here in the UK), not to get personal. People seem reluctant and worried to ask a 'personal' question, they are constantly tiptoeing around each other, anxious not to offend, not to get too close. And every single time I notice this, my heart bursts with a silent shout How are you supposed to form a real connection with someone when you keep talking about work and the weather?! 

How crazy would it be to ask someone you find nice and interesting for their phone number because you want to see them again - yes, because you'd like to have a new friend? How crazy would it be to go and ask a clearly crestfallen colleague what's going on and what you can do to help, instead of acting like you haven't noticed because "it's none of your business"? And how about starting to chat with that person sitting next to you at that class, long-distance coach, annoyingly long queue - and then inviting other people into that conversation?

I know! It's scary! The fear of rejection, paralyzing shyness... I have been there, and perhaps still am. But what are we really afraid of? We're all 'just' people. We're all the same. We have the same insecurities, issues, the same fragile hearts. And when someone blocks you out, makes it clear they're not interested, so what? So it wasn't 'meant to be', it wasn't the right time, and surely it wasn't personal.

I just wish we stopped viewing people as distant, strange, unapproachable creatures - after all, we're all brothers and sisters. I wish we didn't exclude others from our hearts and our circles, hiding indifferently in our "special" relationships, and instead were all special to one another.

It has to start in the heart, my heart, yours...


Have you ever struggled with making new friends? What would make it easier for you? Any piece of wisdom would be much appreciated :)