Led By Heart: 10 steps to forming new friendships

This is part 9 of my 'Led By Heart' series for the 31-day writing challenge. You can find the list of all my 31 posts here. Click here to check out the other participating blogs!

I know a lot of us are looking to form new friendships, but don't know where to start or feel overcome by shyness or insecurities. As someone who has quite recently moved to a different country, I know that it's not easy to become close with new people, sometimes even to get to talk to them. In the end I decided to view all this as an opportunity to grow, a chance to rely on my heart more and more every step of the way. This is what I've learnt so far:

#1 start with yourself
Do you believe that you are a lovely, interesting person whom others would love to have as a friend? I'm not talking about egotistical self-love and being convinced that everybody has to be crazy about you, but you should like yourself and have a good opinion of yourself! Be aware of and appreciate all the good qualities that you have, all the things you can do and the experience you can share with others. Perhaps you are kind and supportive, or you have great sense of humour, maybe you're an amazing story-teller or a good listener - all of that counts!

#2 focus on giving
By that I mean that you should meet people and talk to them with a giving mindset - focus on adding value to the conversation and to their lives, not on primarily getting their attention and their friendship. Show genuine interest in them, listen to them with an open heart, ask follow-up questions, but also add your authentic views and experiences, expand on their stories, mention something new or interesting that you've perhaps recently heard or read. A giving attitude also means being happy here and now, letting go of expectations and just enjoying the company of others.

#3 check your expectations
We may be carrying an idea of a "perfect" friend in our hearts, but in real life we meet all sorts of people and yes, at first sight they might not seem like the right "match" for us. They are not of the same age, have different background and interests, they have a slightly different outlook on life, perhaps they're not believers and you are, perhaps their faith is different. And your immediate reaction could be to rule them out and stop paying much attention to them. But you could be missing out on so much! What if they are the kind of people who will drop anything to come to you and offer help when something urgent or bad has happened? What if they are so different from you that your discussions and time spent together will turn out to be an amazing stimulation and a chance to experience new things, get out of your comfort zone and have fun? Okay, maybe they won't become your best friends, but still, they could be someone with whom you'll get to attend that super indie film festival of Hungarian 1970s underground cinema, or that colour powder run, or that scary speed dating session!

#4 stop hiding and start interacting
You can begin with very small steps and changes to grow your confidence when meeting people. First step: when you're walking on a street, don't stare at the ground in front of you when you're passing someone. Look up and look them in the eyes --- and smile! And then, repeat. Phew, it wasn't so hard, was it? Now, you could, if appropriate, say "hi", too. If it's your neighbour or someone you meet often, how about making a little comment about the weather, the traffic, or anything that's currently happening around you?

#5 say something
Let's expand your interaction scope to even more people, perhaps someone you travel with on the train, or someone you meet in the lift or stand next to in a queue - and you notice they have an amazing handbag, their dog is super cute, their child is uncommonly well-behaved ;) --- tell them, give them a compliment, say something nice, and if you follow it with a question, even better.
That applies to Facebook (and other social websites) and blogs, too. Don't just read their stuff or look at their photos and put "a like" there, and that's it - comment on it, express yourself, show them that you're interested! Don't think you can't make friends that way - you can always connect to someone else who has commented, you just never know.

#6 get out there
That's the usual advice, I suppose. Get out there, you won't meet new people if you stay at home all the time. Enroll for a language course, a yoga class, attend seminars, free talks, church events, art exhibitions, volunteer, join a walkers' club. The possibilities are endless...

#7 organize it
... but if you still can't find anything you'd be interested in, organize something yourself (a carboot sale, a fundraiser for local animal shelter, a knitting competition...)! You can check out websites like meetup.com to find likeminded people and set up a meet-up group for your specific interest.

#8 keep in touch with the friends you already have
And call the ones you haven't spoken to for a long time. What about some of your old classmates or guys from your previous work - I mean the ones you liked and got on well with - it could be worth the try!
By the way, your friends have friends, too. And they can introduce you to them ;)

#9 be intentional and present
Set a clear intention that you're going to be open to new things and new people. Be present and aware when you're with others and seek opportunities for commenting, complimenting and connecting (well, that's one unintentional triple 'c' right there!).

#10 relax and trust
It will come. You will meet the right people at the right time. Follow your intuition boldly. Believe that it's leading you in the right direction - because it is! And if you get the cold shoulder, please don't take it personally, don't let it discourage you. Embrace all that as part of your journey. Keep calm and carry on!